She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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