I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
