i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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