the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
