Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
