I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She told me I should be a condom model.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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