Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
