He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
