She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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