i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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