I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
