She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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