No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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