remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
