i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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