ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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