why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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