the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
