Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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