i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize