Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
