I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize