you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
