ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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