then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This couple is walking their pig around campus
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
