So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
