I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
