Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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