i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
