New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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