the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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