So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
