He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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