There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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