I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
two words: eviction party
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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