I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
