Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
