Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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