just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
