My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
