I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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