so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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