I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
