why didn't you poke me back
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
