maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
