He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
