Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
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