just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My dick has a subreddit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
