i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
