Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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