I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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