I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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