peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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