he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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