The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
its liver damage thursday
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
