I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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